Stairway to Smithers

Dog "experts" -- such as they are -- will tell you not to anthropomorphize your pet too much.  Dogs, they say, live on a much more base level than humans, seeking comfort and food and shelter and satisfaction of their most primal instincts.

These experts will tell you that a dog will NEVER undertake a behavior strictly out of spite, or revenge.  No, the canine professional will tell you that basically your dog wants to find and understand its place in the pack, and then will do its best to please the "top dog" -- which is you.

And all this is true, I suppose.  We HAVE a dog like that.  Kelsey.  Our mutt, our German shepherd - Norwegian elkhound mix.  Now THAT's a dog right out of the textbooks, living primarily to please us.  (Although with her guard-dog heritage, her instinctual definition of "please" isn't always what we have in mind -- in particular with reference to her love of barking at every human, dog, squirrel, or leaf that passes her window.)

But to all those doggie experts out there....I give you Smithers.

What you're looking at there is the scene that greets us every time we come home with an armful of kids, or groceries, or basically anything cumbersome.  The dog parks himself on the stairs -- sideways -- and basically WILL NOT MOVE, at least until you get upstairs and begin unpacking the groceries.  That's 70 pounds of basset hound, people, and believe me when I tell you that these stubborn, low-to-the-ground beasts are tough to move when they don't want to be moved.

This, my friends, is a special needs dog.  A "character," I call him most of the time.  Julie prefers "pain in the ass," and she certainly has a point there.  The dog knows how to get under your skin.  It's the way that he knows how to shrug his shoulders at just the right point on the side steps, thereby jerking his collar over his head -- and the look that he and I share at that moment, because we both know the chase is on.  (Fortunately, the chase usually only lasts as far as the back porch of the people across the street, but still.)

Yup.  Pain in the ass is probably the right word for him.  But he's a pretty good pooch, nonetheless.

Comments

[Julie]

It is also the way he looks at you while he is lounging on the stairs and you are telling him to move that drives me crazy.
He gives you one of those who-the-hell-do-you-think-you-are-speaking-to-me-like-that look.
But then again, there has always been a power struggle between the two of us since the day we brought him home.

[Deadlytoque]

Greetings from the North; it's been since the middle of August that I had a reliable net connection to read (and post comments on) your page, but here I am.

Just wanted you to know that your Canadian fanbase is intact, despite having moved through two time zones.

Looking forward to the follow-up on the Leviticus stuff. I'm really excited about when you get to dietary restrictions!

[Deadlytoque]

Greetings from the North; it's been since the middle of August that I had a reliable net connection to read (and post comments on) your page, but here I am.

Just wanted you to know that your Canadian fanbase is intact, despite having moved through two time zones.

Looking forward to the follow-up on the Leviticus stuff. I'm really excited about when you get to dietary restrictions! Or was that Exodus?

[Deadlytoque]

ergh. Sorry about the double-post... I hit "post" instead of preview. I'm out of practice with this whole "Inn-torr-netts" thing.

[yellojkt]

My wife keeps saying, "YOUR dog is neurotic." He has developed a bad habit of whimpering in the middle of the night until one of us commands him to drink from his bowl which is on the other side of the room. You did see my 100 Things About My Dog post?

As a kid, I had a beagle that used to get into the trash and take all the empty cans under my bed to lick clean. Until it got too fat to fit under the bed anymore.

[Julie]

yellojkt - no link, please repost....I desperately want to read the 100 things about your dog.

[CGG]

Smithers looks almost like a cat in that picture. Sounds as if he's behaving like one as well.

[yellojkt]

Lets try the 100 Things About My Dog again. If that doesn't work here is the url:
http://livebythefoma.blogspot.com/2005/09/100-things-about-my-dog.html

[pointy stick]

When I first saw that dog as a fully-grown adult dog, I do not believe I was exaggerating when I said, "That's not an animal. That's a piece of furniture."

[Christina]

Have you tried stepping on Smithers instead of stepping over him? It might motivate him to get out of the way. (It might also cause you to fall down the stairs and break your neck, but hey, maybe you'll land on the dog.)